Where do I begin? Let's start with the overall tone of the article. The constant implication that women require special treatment or aditional manners paints the entire gender as a simpering decoration.
Unfortunately, most people have to live and work in the real world where following these idiotic rules is impractical and silly.
They even included a handy dandy list:
- Stand up for a lady. Actually, this doesn’t just involve chairs. Now I assume that this first one is referring to the practice of standing when a lady enters or leaves a room or table. This is just silly. I have a small bladder and if you feel the need to get up every time I do you will just tire yourself out.
- Know that the SEC has the best football TEAMS IN THE NATION. Big 12 fan? Hmm, perhaps you should keep walking. Huh? What does football have to do with anything?
- Kill bugs. Delta Burke as Southern belle Suzanne Sugarbaker on Designing Women said, “. . .Ya know, when men use Women’s Liberation as an excuse not to kill bugs for you. Oh, I just hate that! I don’t care what anybody says, I think the man should have to kill the bug!” This was one of my favorites and falls under the, if I can't take care of it myself then I deserve to have to deal with the gross bug. The implication that no 'lady' can even bring herself to kill a mosquito is frankly amusing.
- Hold doors open. This goes for elevator doors too. Why is this limited to women? It's called manners, people!
- Fix things or build stuff. I once watched in awe as my stepfather built a front porch on the house he shares with my mother. He knew just what to do, cutting every notch, hammering every nail. The project was complete by sunset. Ok, here's the thing. I work in a theater. I have to build and fix stuff on a daily basis. Much like #3, if I can't handle it myself, it's probably outside your capabilities too.
- Wear boots occaisionally. Not the fancy, l-paid-$l,000-for-these kind. We’re talking about slightly mud-crusted, I-could-have-just-come-in-from-the-field boots. Because real men wear boots. Obviously, I am swooning just thinking about this one.
- Take off your hat inside. Again, manners.
- Grill stuff. Seriously? Who watches a man grilling and gets all hot and bothered?
- Call us. If you want to ask us out, don’t text and don’t e-mail. Pick up the phone and use your voice. I have no opinion on this one, but texting tends to prevent awkward voicemails. Just saying.
- Stand when we come back to the dinner table. ”Just a little half-stand is enough to make me melt,” my friend Stephanie says. Stephanie needs to get over herself. I have already addressed this one.
- Pull out chairs. Wait, that’s not all. Scoot them back in before we hit the floor. I clearly need a big strong man to handle that heavy chair for me. Let me just powder my nose first.
- Pay the tab on the first few dates. ”If you ask me out, you pay,” Stephanie says. “If I ask you out, you should still pay.” Listen, guys, it’s just simpler this way. This made sense when women of any class were incapable of making money. Now it just keeps the power in the relationship firmly in male hands.
- Don’t show up in a wrinkled, untucked shirt. Care about your appearance but not too much. Don’t smell better than we do. Don’t use mousse or gel. You shouldn’t look like you spend more time in front of the mirror than we do. I actually agree with this one, but as I am not unlikely to show up in a wrinkled untucked shirt, my standards here are pretty low.
- Never get in bar fights. Patrick Swayze might look cool in Road House, but in reality, bar fights are stupid and embarrassing. You don’t look tough. You look like an idiot. Again with the manners. Not being a dick should not be something that has to be listed. Ever.
- Know how to mix our favorite cocktail JUST THE WAY WE LIKE IT. Fix your favorite too. Sit down on the porch (it’s okay if you didn’t build it), tell us how your day went, and we’ll tell you about ours. And after I tell you about what a scamp Junior is being, we can go inside to have the dinner that I made in the house that I spent all day cleaning!
Seriously, people? This is completely absurd! Any woman who expects her sensitive yet manly man to come out of the shadows and completely take care of her may love this attitude. Not me. I expect to be treated like an equal, not some flower. The way to win a woman over is to respect her as a person. This should not need to be spelled out, mostly because respect should be an automatic attitude to everyone. At one point, this article demands "Unless you are at a restaurant and the only lady in sight is the one taking your order, stand up. Now." Is the waitress not a lady? How does showing me more respect than her make you more of a man?
<\feminist rant>
